Part C

Write as much as you need per response, as long as you answer at least two of the questions below.

Note: To ensure everyone gets an outside perspective on their work, please respond to classmates who have not received feedback.

• How can the writer make the introduction more effective and exciting? Be specific in your answer.
• From reading only the thesis statement, what do you expect to read and learn about in the paper? How can the thesis statement be more specific and detailed?
• Find a place where the writing is hard to follow. Quote the passage and, afterwards, explain how the writer can make it clearer.
• In your own words, summarize what the body paragraph is about. Is there any information needed? If so, tell them where additional information will be beneficial. Is there any information that should be cut? Give at least one specific example of information that needs to be added or cut.
• Is the evidence in the body paragraph effective? Explain why. If the evidence is unclear or misplaced, explain how it could be better.
• What should the writer absolutely NOT change? Write a few remarks explaining what you like about their paragraphs and what makes them effective.

Respond to at least two classmates (more is better).

Weekly Discussion Challenge:Find a classmate who responded to your paragraphs in Part C and respond to their post with a follow-up question about one of your concerns or discuss your paragraphs further.

below is two classmates who i pick to discuss about each person has part A&B

Part A

My initial understanding of “revision” was more linked to looking over the material in preparation for an exam or quiz. A revision was not a significant part of my writing process. There were many instances where I would write and read aloud and submit without attempting to revise my writing. Secondly, I was not aware that the act of revising and editing are two different actions. Thanks to this week’s notes, I now have a clear distinction between the two.  After reading the notes provided, it became more apparent to me that writing is a process that entails different steps. We must follow these steps to make our writing reach the intended audience with clarity. With a clearer understanding of the writing process steps, my confidence level has risen to new heights.   Peer review is an essential part of the learning process. It gives students the platform on which they can make constructive critic to their peers. It also equips students with the necessary skills to assess and provide feedback to others while building their self-assessment skills. Peer review also helps foster a connection with writing to allow the student to engage in the writing process.

Part B

My Career Wake up -Call

As a trained teacher from Jamaica, I attempted to utilize my credential, but they were not acceptable, my husband’s words resonated with me, and I knew I had to return to school.” What will I study, and where will I go to further my education,” I thought to myself? Attending in-person classes was not an option because of the Pandemic, and having to transport my daughter to and from the bus stop meant I needed to be a virtual student. To reach my career goal, I passionately believe that my objective must be defined and straightforward. Over the past eight years of my professional life, I worked with children and their families in both classroom and home settings.

Through this experience, it became evident that at-risk families lack access to community resources.  To support groups in crises, human service professionals must be committed, patient, possess listening skills, and have the ability to be empathetic without reducing one’s ability to be empowered (Martin, M. E, 2011).  With this experience, I became inspired to attend Walden University to pursue a Bachelor of Science in Psychology and Human Services.

Part A

When I think of revision, improving is the first word that comes to mind. Improving yourself, your paper or speech. I also think of revision as changing something that was ok into something even better. After watching the video, I think revision is needed to be the best writer to open your mind with constructive help to make your writing excel. Peer review helps elevate your work; it helps you learn how to take constructive criticism which is something that happens in the professional world and learning how to understand and make improvements in a positive way.

Part B

“Yes, I believe in you. You can do it!” Text messages from my husband when I asked about going back to school at forty. I am rewriting the story as a stay-at-home mom and the views and opinions that 99% of the time come with that title. I am not dismissing my hard work raising a family, but I am adding to my story. To show that there are many layers to a person. To show my daughters that it is ok to take a detour in life and focus on one thing and then later pick up a different something. I read an article in the Star Tribune talking about how the guardian ad litem program is flawed, (2018) “the judicial system is devaluing the lives of the children who are victims of abuse and neglect and whose safety we are charged with protecting.” Guardian ad litem’s are over worked, underpaid, and at times not valued. I am willing to forge ahead and accomplish being a voice for the voiceless, advocating for a better life, fighting for compassion, and being dedicated to the forgotten ones.

In the next five years I will be achieving goals that have me living in Hawaii, working as a guardian ad litem, and volunteering at a children’s hospital. By completing my bachelor’s in criminal justice, I will have an edge and knowledge to provide the best counsel in court cases.  With this additional degree I will be able to clearly understand the guidelines that happen in court and investigate in an issue-based way versus a witness-based investigation (Forman 2017). Something that is important when advocating for the child or children. By adding a degree in social work I will be able to have an additional tool when it comes to the mental health aspect that is needed. As well as allowing me to be a better volunteer at the local children’s hospital. Parents and kids go through incredible amounts of stress at the hospital; being able to help in any way to elevate them would make my heart happy. I know most people dream of living in Hawaii; it’s a paradise. I want to live there not only for its beauty but to help support Hawaii’s native people, the Kanaka Maoli children. These children and people deserve someone who will stand up and fight next to them and support their values and culture.